So You Think You Can Farm?

In the last year or so, I've been approached by numerous people looking for advice about becoming farmers. My first thought is always "why are they asking me, don't they know I'm winging it"? But then I realize that although I don't have decades of farming experience under my belt, I do have transitional expertise. It is flattering to be asked but it can be, at times, frustrating, and sometimes quite insulting when you're approached by people who clearly have no concept of what this lifestyle demands.

Out of the many people seeking advice, I've only believed two of them would or could make the transition into farm life. One of them has done so with success and has our continued support. The other couple have demonstrated all the right attributes, a plan, determination, the passion for it & (I say this with the utmost respect) the somewhat naive belief that farm life is better.

So what made these two examples stand out to me the first time I met them? I've taken some time to think about this and have put together etiquette guide for approaching a farmer for advice and a couple of points on how to prepare yourself for farming:

Value our time. Farmers sacrifice many things to be farmers. Money, friends, personal hygiene, notions of self care, but most of all, spare time. So please, do not be frivolous with our time. If you say you are coming to the farm, then show up and be ready to listen. You might think the nature of our work offers some flexibility, and to some extent it does, but there is never enough hours in the day! The time we give to you for tours and answering questions could be spent with our families. We have so little time, be gracious with it.

Be prepared. We are not your personal Google. I love to help and advise new or wannabe farmers but we made it predominantly on our own. I have great neighbours I can go to if I'm stuck, but generally I put the effort in to educate myself every single day. What impressed me about the last couple who came to seek advice was their focus & preparedness. They came knowing what challenges they would face and they had specific questions. They had done their own research and came to us for practical guidance on applying their theories. They did not come and exhaust my time with questions that a quick internet search could have answered.

Leave your excuses at home. I'm sorry but you cannot come to me and tell me that the barriers to your idyllic farming utopia are money and land. If you say those things to me, I instantly know that the barrier to you farming is attitudinal. Now, I am fortunate enough to have found a brilliant piece of land for a farm and we put everything on the line to get it, and we continue to risk everything to keep hold of it. However, if you don't have the money to buy land, start by finding out about local land lease programs. There are lots around. Where I live, for example, Young Agrarians links land owners with potential farmers. The farmers gets to lease the land for little or no cost and the owners gets farm status and therefore, reduced property taxes. If you don't have a program in your area, there are people making private arrangements all the time. We ourselves are in discussions to lease a little more land for expansion. So take to the streets, starting looking, there are opportunities out there. I appreciate that they are not available to everyone in every area but if you are committed to the idea, you will make the sacrifice needed. If you are not willing too, then you don't have the right approach for farming.

And money. In case you haven't noticed from my last ten whiny-assed blog posts, we have none. Almost every penny we had went into the land and anything that was left was depleted by the ongoing issues with water. But we have still built an operational farm and we are not even three years in. Again, you have to pound the pavement and go and find resources. It's doable. 70% of our farm is built from reclaimed materials. If you don't have the money, you have to be willing to put in the time. You must be prepared do the work.

Be ready to sacrifice. I've already touched on some of the sacrifice required, but you cannot really anticipate or understand the level of sacrifice until it's too late and you are already immersed in farming. But know this; farming is all consuming. You cannot dabble in it, you cannot work part time, and you cannot do it for just part of the year, for goodness sake you'll be lucky to get a day off ever again if you choose to keep livestock.

Get ready to work. You literally have to stop making life plans. The work is hard and constant. Your body will be constantly covered in scrapes, cuts and bruises. If you are inclined to wear skirts occasionally, you can forget about that because you will probably have a permanent indent in your shins from your Muck boots. I thought I knew hard work, but I didn't. Especially in the first few years of farming you can expect to have never worked so hard for so little in any job you had before.

If any of that puts you off, then turn back now. Because once you dip your toe into the pool of farm life, you're hooked. You will forget how to function in regular society. I fear that should I ever have to return to normality, I will starve to death because I would not want to eat food that I haven't produced myself.

Once you find yourself naming a chicken, chortling at a particular pigs personality quirks or talking to a baby lamb like you would talk to your own baby, it's too late for you. When you find that eating out is ruined for you because the best tasting food grows 10 yards from your back door, then you know you're in for the long haul. When you find more beauty & pride in a basket of fresh vegetables than in designer clothes and you choose to spend your Saturday nights watching pigs play in a puddle rather than drinking and dancing, then farming already pumps through you veins and the addiction owns you.

So choose this path carefully and thoughtfully. Because once you give yourself to the lifestyle, you will not ever be able to detox.

Spreading The Love

I'm done with feeling mopey. Turns out that when I wrote my last depressing post, I had a notifiable stomach bacteria which, I'm going to suggest, was impacting my mood. Not that it wasn't a true reflection of how we are feeling, but maybe those feelings were heightened. Anyway, a course of punishing antibiotics has helped kick my brain into gear for the forthcoming season. Business as usual. No, actually, business better than ever.

The last two years have been about hard work, resilience, sacrifice and grit. But this year is about creativity. 2016 is about more options for customers, more learning opportunities, and a greater reach without working ourselves into the ground. I made a rough calculation of the hours we worked on the farm & at our 'real' jobs during 2015. Ian and I collectively worked the equivalent of 5.5 full time positions. That is not sustainable, yet growth of the business remains an essential component. The commitment to hard work will continue but we will nurture new relationships to make it manageable. Take, for example, the sheep we have here now. These are not our sheep, this is someone else's project (headache/labour of love), it is being run in it's own entity but under the umbrella of Laurica Farm. We are looking for more entrepreneurs who want to run their own business that compliments the farms values here and for the benefit for the land and our customers.

We're working collaboratively with other farmers. Our beef was raised by a neighbouring farmer who has the same ideals about how livestock should be treated. We were able to pay that farmer a fair price for his product, cover our own costs for marketing and storing, etc. and offer our customers a reasonable price on top quality grass-fed beef. We are also linking with Glorious Organics Farm to offer Farm Camps and a couple of events. This helps us pool our resources and avoid duplication of effort.

Our tree house has been offered to two Yoga teachers to use as a studio, with a view of running joint ventures in the future. We've also traded pork to Todd who is coming to teach workshops in there. We'll continue to utilize the tree house as a resource for the farm. Another little project is creating a whimsical fairy garden in the tree grove, apparently people will volunteer to do things like that!

We don't have to do everything ourselves anymore, we are established enough to forge new links and mutually beneficial relationships. Now it's time to let others have the opportunity to flourish so our family can working on our existing relationships with each other.

The final breakdown

I'm writing this post before I change my mind. It's like a real-time update if you will. It's going to sound mopey and mauldling, but please do not post sympathy comments. You see, it is New Years Eve 2015 and I am mid breakdown. And I can't decide if it's a real 'beginning of the end' episode or if it's a 'end of the beginning' process.

Let me set the scene. As I mentioned it's new years eve. I had purchased a family ticket to the festivities on Grouse Mountain. But, I am sick so have sent mia familia off to enjoy themselves. There's certain factors playing into my perceived breakdown that aren't farm related at all. Sickness, for example. I keep having to stop & curl up in the fetal position while waves of stomach pain wash over me. My loving husband was unable to fulfill my requests of medicine and supplies because he could not stop working on the greenhouse in time to go to the store. I am also without any means to light the wood burning stove (it's going down to -7 tonight) so I am confined to the bedroom, the only room with any other form of heating.

I was actually in a rather calm state of mind as everyone left, quite relieved to suffer alone. However, I got up to try and light the fire and had a bout of stomach pain at the same time. The combination of the pain, profuse sweating, the no-fire predicament and the aloneness bought on unexpected wailing that, quite frankly, I was unprepared for. You see, it was not just a sob but consisted of loud cries of "I've had enough, oh god, I've had enough"....repeatedly.

What is going on with me?! Two scenarios present themselves to me.

The Beginning of the End: I have to confess that I've been struggling with the 'why we are here' dilemma. 2015 has been a great year for the farm in many aspects; achievements, recognition, awards, events, new products, new ventures, etc. but it has also been another extremely challenging year in other ways: the ongoing well issues, drought, the loss of animals, ongoing financial challenges, relentless work and relationship difficulties with my oldest daughter. I've used two analogies to summarize all this recently. The first I think I've heard somewhere before and I've adapted. I told Laura that my life is like a bar stool. 4 legs, and each one represents part of my life. Finance, Family, Work & Health. Again this year we struggled with money, family life is difficult, work is unmanageable, and although our health is generally good, we are having some challenges with our well-being too. A stool cannot stand up with all it's legs broken.

The second analogy relates to Ian, my incredible hard working and long suffering husband. Again, something I think I've heard before and plagiarized but living with Ian, a type-A, perfectionist and workaholic, is not always easy, despite the fact that I love him very much. I sometimes feel like he is driving along in a truck and I am not in the passenger seat but hanging on by my finger tips to the window. Sometimes I slip back to the tail gate and have to claw my way back to the window, but I still can't quite make it into the cab. It's great to have a motivated and ambitious husband but with all this hanging on, I'm getting bruised. I'm gathering scar tissue and I'm not sure I will ever take a comfortable seat as his passenger or if I'll just find myself struggling to keep up forever.

The next scenario is less negative, The End of the Beginning. 2 years and 5 months we have lived here and in Ian's very modest words "We've built an empire". It's true, we need to give ourselves credit for what we've achieved, how we've hung on to our values and the compromise we've endured. We have faced road blocks at every turn but here we are, writing our business plan for 2016. Things have to be easier next year. We will have more people involved in the running of the farm, a team that I'm excited about. This winter we are finishing off building projects, fencing and roofing. We are nearly done so that pressure will be relieved. Last year we finished installing our walk-in fridge 1 day before the meat chickens were due to be processed. In fact, we were still finishing the chickens coop as they arrived! The pressure was constantly on, everything was last minute, we lived life on a knife-edge. This year, there won't be any of that....hopefully. Maybe I like the chaos? Perhaps I'm mourning not having the chaos as an excuse and I have to pretend I know what I'm doing. I'm still a rookie at this. Does being a martyr suit me? Oh god, is that what I'm struggling to let go of?

The Farming 'dream' is obviously not over for us yet. We can't afford to leave even if we wanted to. But big changes are afoot, some of which I can't talk about yet. I am excited about 2016 as much as I am resentful of the work that goes with this crazy life. I still have this niggling feeling that there is a remote homestead somewhere for me and Ian and the girls that offers peace and calm. Luckily, I am not being asked to make that decision today. The only thing I have to achieve today is pulling myself together.

Laurica Farm, winner of the Greater Langley Chamber of Commerce Business Award 2015 for Environmental Leadership

No One Needs to Know

The word 'Adventure' has been overused, in my opinion. Adventure begins when everything goes wrong. Our fight for survival on this farm continues; physically, emotionally and financially, but out of this fight, great things emerge. I had become so entrenched with the battle that I overlooked to triumphs.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my friend, Lisa. Lisa and I worked together in Old Navy and that's where I saw her. Immediately after the usual greetings people share, she said "I follow the farm on Facebook, you have such a great life". She went on to talk cheerfully about the animals at the farm and all the events that have been happening. Lisa was smiling while she said this, while it was all I could do to hold back the tears.  I couldn't believe or process what Lisa was saying while we were drowning.  Just a few days earlier, Ian and I had sat under the trees in the sheep field, both of us sobbing, seriously (at that moment) saying we were selling up. We had just buried our fourth sheep of the summer and we had already lost too many animals during the summer. The well had dried up again, now tallying a bill of $60,000 in less than 12 months, and we are still without a full resolution to the myriad of problems the well has presented. Staffing has been a nightmare for the last part of the summer. My car was written off. My oven died. We've had damage from a storm and a power outage for a week. We've been without water for one reason or another for a big chunk of the summer growing season, to name just a few of the challenges. I've been covered in animal blood, snot and feces way too much and I had to learn how to insert a tube into a sheep stomach from a YouTube tutorial while 'in the field'. And yet, I was being presented with the fact that, to the outside world, it looked great, enviable even. There have been many, many times this summer when my old life as a normal person felt very appealing.

Driving home after seeing Lisa, a song came on the radio. The artist sings "No one needs to know, no one needs to know right now. Take a deep breath in and don't let them break you down". Something resonated with me. I knew I could not make decisions about the farm in the middle of the farming season, while everything appeared so crappy. I had to suck it up, ride it out to the end of the season and then take the time to reflect.

So here we are, at the end of the season, and it's time to reflect and decide. It's easy to remember what went wrong, but what went well? I'll tell you what went amazingly. Last year was our first growing season and we started the delivery route to take fresh produce from the farm direct to our customers. This year we  built on that and added a CSA scheme, farmers markets, restaurant supply, and farm gate sales. This time last year, we had four pigs on the farm. Right now there are 22 pigs and 22 more coming in the next month (although 7 will be 'leaving'). We have our own breeding program for heritage hogs that supports breed conservation. Those pigs are used to support the farms activities and our environmental stance. The pigs get no commercially made grain, ever. We divert around 5 tonnes of organic food waste away from landfill every single week! And then we either reuse, re-purpose or recycle the packaging that goes with it.  The pigs turn the food waste into fertilizer and bacon! They till our fields while they are at it which reduces the amount of heavy machinery use on the farm, builds the soils and means we don't have to bring in compost. We watched Cowspiracy recently which does not look favorably on any type of animal agriculture, even 'sustainable' models. We agreed with most of the content of the documentary but felt that it wasn't representative of what happens here at Laurica Farm. We could answer the concerns about water and land usage. And that is something to be proud of. We have found a different way, our own way.

The pigs rolling in organic melons as part of our food waste program

There are now 103 laying hens, we've done our first batch of meat chickens and we have a permanent flock of sheep on route to the farm, primarily pregnant ewes. All of this is managed on just 5 acres through a process of pasture management and permaculture design.

We have also launched events at the farm. Two awesome events have led to numerous inquiries about weddings and other events for next year.

Farm Jam

There are more buildings on the farm this year. The poly tunnel has doubled in size, it has a concrete floor with a sustainable heating system underway. There is another salad tunnel for summer growing. Last year, we grew in two fields, this year we filled three fields. There's a new chicken coop, another pig pen, new fencing, 35 more fruit trees, trellis along fences for growing, a new outdoor washroom and another bathroom almost complete that is totally off-grid.  And on top of all that happening on the farm, we have been nominated for a 2015 Business Excellence Award in the Environmental Leadership category.

Two years! That's what it's taken to turn an empty piece of land into a fully functioning, sustainable farm. It's nearly broken us emotionally, physically and financially, and it still might. But it hasn't broken us yet. I'm not sure if I should say despite the challenges we've made it work or in spite of the challenges, but you can bet you're bottom dollar I'm not giving up now. If I leave this farm, I'll be doing it bankrupt or dead, because sensible not, the decision has been made. We're all in! Let the adventure continue.

Heirloom tomatoes

Piglets born here at the farm

Our ducks, Simon and Garfunkel, catching insects in the fruit cage

Some of our market produce

Night time events at the farm

Lamper, the kale thief

An open letter to Mother Nature

Forgive me, Mother Nature, for I have sinned. I have had traitorous thoughts about abandoning my eco-hippy lifestyle and reverting back to the dark days of luxury and convenience. I'm sorry, Mother Nature, I know it's wrong but Irony and Fate have had a part to play in my flirtatious feelings towards modern life. I know you are pushing back against the human race and the way it has taken advantage of your genourous disposition for so long and so recklessly, but do you, Irony and Fate need to push me so hard? Because I've been saying sorry for a long time. We've personally sacrificed to heal some of your scars and give something back. We've even pissed off most of our friends by advocating so vehemently for you. So why us, again? Is there any chance you could ask Irony and Fate to just back off for a year or so? Please? Pretty pretty please with an organically grown from non GMO seed, heirloom cherry on top?

You see, we have no water on the farm again and you need to understand what that has done to me. Remember Wellgate of 2014? The thing I said I'd never speak of again on this blog? The incident that cost us around $50,000? Well, the brand new Rolls Royce of wells has no water. Responsibility for the lack of water partially lies with you, Mother Nature. You sent no snow over the winter and no snow melt means the resovoires are not replenished. And don't make me bring up the lack of rain for the last 10 weeks. I'm pretty sure you're in cahoots with Fate over this well business but in case you're not, here's a brief outline of what Fate has been up to. He hid an underground lake! Extreme, right? I mean, the well drilling company have never seen anything like this in 3 decades of business. It appears that when we drilled the new well last summer, we hit that hidden underground lake instead of a running water stream. After a year of irrigation and you withholding water, we've emptied it. Now we have to drill down again to try and find another source of water. But it's ok, it's not like we've blown every cent and borrowed unmentionable amounts to build a permaculture farm to protect you, Mother Nature, from destructive Big Ag......oh wait, that's exactly what we've done. And Fate has put a roadblock in front of every single thing we've done/purchased/built. He's really been a big part of my bank managers stern looks and raised eyebrows. There's literally nothing in our home or on the farm that Fate hasn't touched and that guy breaks everything! Also, today Fate invited his buddy Irony to the party. You sent rain, torrential rain, and Irony kindly sheltered us from it. It got with 1/4 mile of the farm, but Irony kept us nice and dry.

I rebelled today. Guess what kind of unforgivable sins I have committed today? I'll confess. I went to my friends house after she offered to let me shower and do some laundry. I put two washing machines on at the same time! I selected 'hot wash', negating my responsibility to opt for the environmentally friendly cold wash. I didn't even care about using detergent instead of laundry seeds. In fact, it felt good and it smelt good.  I'm a laundry whore! And do you know what else? I put the washing in a tumble dryer to dry. That's right, no washing line. Ha! Rebellion! Then, while the two washing machines and tumble dryers were running, I took a shower. Not my usual navy shower, I left hot water running for the entire duration I was in there. Oh the frivolity! I then scrubbed myself clean with shower gel out of a plastic bottle, not the usual homemade bar of lavender soap. And do you know something? I LIKED IT! My frivolous ways did not end there. I drove around the corner to the shop after my shower. I could have walked within 2 minutes but what's a little extra pollution between friends? I was a little perturbed that the healthiest food I could buy for a snack was white bread and deli ham but whatever, I was living dangerously today anyway. Do you know what my kids said when I handed them the unknown pig parts from an anonymous pig between two slices of white, GMO bread? Yum! They said yum! They liked it. And my eye only twitched for a moment thinking about the pig I hadn't raised. Your barrage enabled me to step away from my values, it's so exhausting being self-righteous.

I'm only telling you this because I'm worried about you. Because Irony and Fate have been relentless in their assault of our resolve, we're asking some serious questions about the future of our dreams. Here's the thing. I'm not asking if we CAN make this work. It's crappy at the moment, but we'll somehow, maybe, probably find a way. The question we're asking is SHOULD we fight this battle? From a business perspective, yes, business is immense and exciting. From a personal perspective, I'm not sure. Even if we could figure out a way to finance drilling a deeper well without increasing monthly payments, we would still be accruing even more personal debt. And for what? For Ian to stay in a job he hates for another decade? For us to have no quality of life outside the farm into our 50's? To not be able to afford to help our kids if they decide post-secondary is important to them? To work so tirelessly that we get less time together as a family? That conflicts with all the reasons we did this. I knew it would be like that short term, but dealing with that as a long term reality is kinda tough.

So, Mother Nature, over to you. Can you get Fate and Irony in line? For us? We might be done here if you don't. And then what happens to this 5 acres of you, Mother Nature? A blueberry farm? I know everyone loves blueberries but that cash crop won't protect your soil. A developer? Do we need another 10 bedroom mansion with green lawns and a pony in the yard? 

Listen, this may sound arrogant, Mother Nature, but I know what we're doing here is a good thing. From a selfish perspective, I don't know how to live without the farm any more. I can't 'city'. What would I eat? Although I fell off the wagon today, I really wouldn't know what to do without our farm food. And the business. I just can't say goodbye yet. If I was an investor looking in from the outside, I'd want to be involved with Laurica Farm. It's an exciting time. How can I walk away? But then how can I not? Mother Nature, you've lead us on this path, tell us now what we should do.

Yours faithfully,

Desperate Farmer.

Let's talk

I had intended to write this post yesterday. When I told Ian, he suggested I should stop writing about being broke. As usual, he is right. Finance has dominated my recent updates. I had planned to tell you though about how we were turning things around. How we are doing what is needed to bring in extra income, about how I'd cleaned houses, baked cakes for people, transported animals and numerous other things to bring in extra dollars during our time of need. I was going to tell you about how enthused we were feeling about the forthcoming season. How we've planned, prepared, built and invested in the farm. But today, an unspeakable tragedy has dominated our small community here in Aldergrove.

Twenty four hours ago, a child, a high school student, son of a farming family and dear friend of my eldest daughter, felt such despair that he chose to take his own life.

The news of this incident rocked the high school which he attended. I can't articulate the way in which this incredibly sad and tragic event has touched us and I certainly can't begin to imagine the sadness that his parents are feeling. My fourteen year baby has never experienced shock like it and as a parent, it's heartbreaking to observe. Today, we have shed tears for the boy and his family as well as our own family.

There is a conversation to be had about mental health and the high suicide rates among boys of this age. But not now, and not here on this blog. Today, the discourse is about shock and grief. Today is for perspective and remembering. Today is for thoughts for the family.

Soon, I can write an update on our farming activity, but now is time to bow our heads, stand shoulder to shoulder with our farming community, and give our condolences to all at Aldor Acres Farm.

The Frugal Christmas

And relax.... Christmas has come and gone. As much as I love the season, it brings a lot of work. This year has been a very different experience for us due to budget cuts (hey, that excuse works for Governments all over the world, so it can fly in this household for a while). You all know that we've been under financial pressure. We entered into this farming venture knowing that things would be tight for a while and we planned and budgeted as best we could to accommodate that. We did not foresee the myriad of equipment breakdowns that have surprised us this year. But as with any other challenge, you have to adapt, and this Christmas was no exception.

Back in October, I suggested to the kids that we could have a 'regular' Christmas with presents and all the trimmings, or we could cut back on all the frills and choose to go away somewhere as a family. They both choose the vacation option. I was both proud and guilty. Proud that they opted to forego gifts but saddened that they both made comments about not spending much time together as a family this year. They're right of course, it's been a whirlwind that has taken it's toll not just on our finances but on our resolve, our bodies, our health and apparently, our relationships.

With these great intentions laid out, we then found ourselves hurtling towards Christmas, facing more financial drains, and really not being able to afford any of it - the presents, the vacation, even the turkey felt like a struggle.  Now, as a family, we are not religious and we are finding ourselves increasingly exasperated by mass consumerism, and so add austerity measures into that and there doesn't seem like there's a whole lot left. But there is! It occurred to me that this Christmas was about refocusing on the family, a bit of repair was called for and so we had to get a little creative in order to maintain the fun and magic of it all.

Our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree - $15!

Our solution to present buying was quite simply a Secret Santa scheme. Instead of framing it as 'frugal' we framed it as 'fun'. Each family member wrote a wish list on an envelope and I inserted a $100, which seemed like a lot to the kids. We then picked one envelope out of a hat. Total $400 on presents for the family, a lot less than we've spent in the past. The kids had a blast taking responsibility for shopping and maintaining the pretense of keeping the name of the person they were buying for secret (they managed it for about 2 minutes and 36 seconds).

Another way we made cuts was by asking the family to be environmentally conscientious. Of course, this fits with the way we are living now so the kids did not find it a challenge or upsetting to go without things like wrapping paper. It made them inventive. They found ways to wrap presents and make them look pretty without buying wrapping paper and gift bags. It also meant that they could spend their $100 budget solely on presents and not any of the unnecessary extras. The whole thing turned into a 'teaching moment' for the kids really. A chance to be thoughtful and creative.

We didn't make cuts on the turkey. I just could not compromise now I know what I know about the food industry. Urban Digs Farm ran a scheme where they sourced produce from local farms and worked with ReUpBBQ in New West to create a meal box. The turkey was huge so we had Christmas dinner from it and boxing day sandwiches. There's four meals worth of turkey frozen and bone broth simmering away on the stove right now. All of a sudden, it doesn't feel so expensive. There was lots of root vegetables in the pack which we didn't really need but there is a lot left. We'll also save the seeds from the squash to grow next year.

Then came the vacation. We really couldn't afford the vacation but we couldn't afford not to go either, the kids had their hearts set on it. We had initially planned to go to the States to make it cheap. However, our permanent residence cards have expired so we couldn't cross the border. I needed to find an alternative and fast. I found a hotel in Victoria that was quite cheap. Thinking Victoria would be a good option, I started looking around. We haven't really been to Victoria, the capital of BC, and taking another form of transport, in this case going on the ferry, always makes it feel like a 'proper' vacation, that you've gone far away.

Searching hotels brought up a few feasible options. I picked one that wasn't the cheapest but appeared to offer the best value. It was a nice resort with lots of amenities and you got the third night free and resort credit. There was a fridge and microwave in the room so I planned to take food to reduce costs. In the three nights away, I budgeted for eating out twice, once using the hotel credit.  Of course, none of this went to plan. Although we remained frugal, there were unforeseen costs. I had miscalculated the ferry cost, stupidly thinking that it was $125 return when in fact it was $125 each way. There was a resort fee at the hotel that we didn't know about upon booking, that made me cross actually. It added another $20 a night onto the cost which effectively cancelled out the resort credit. Also, the weather wasn't great which limited the amount of free, outdoor activities we could do and we did end up paying for a few more activities than we anticipated.

All this compromise is the reality of the life we have chosen, at least for the foreseeable future. It's also taught us about re-evaluating what's important. The kids had a fabulous time on the vacation. Seeing the twinkling Christmas lights in Buchart Gardens reflecting in their excited eyes made me think about the memories that were being ingrained. Ian and I realised that they wouldn't remember what gifts they got in ten years but they would remember the things we did; ice skating on the harbour, outdoor swimming in December, & exploring Japanese gardens.

It's been hard for me. The nagging worry about money has been a constant. But it's only been hard for me. The kids know money is tight but they haven't known any sacrifices. They've loved their Christmas and want to do Secret Santa every year. The memories we've created have been more rewarding than any previous Christmas experience.

We do need to make changes though. I can't carry this worry again all through 2015. We know we have money coming in at the end of February and after that it's not long until the growing season gets going again, but I'm genuinely concerned about the next two months. We are constantly working to make changes, there's really no more cuts that can be made in our lifestyle right now and so we continue to 'speculate to accumulate'. We're in the midst of a huge reclaimed greenhouse deal at the moment that is an incredible amount of work and quite a big gamble, but will enable us to grow all year round in the future if it all works out.

IF we can make it two more months, we might scrap by and finally start to turn the financial situation around and then we can all breath a long, collective sigh of relief. Just two more months to keep your fingers crossed for us.