Turning Tides?

I have started this post so many times and had to abandon it mid-page, and that is a reflection on the rapid changes in our situation and the way we feel from one day to the next. I left the last post amidst a crisis that was starting to look like the end for Laurica Farm. That 'end' has come and gone several more times. We've found ourselves at the absolute edge of what we can control, we have even called the Realtor to list the property more than once, and then something, some little glimmer of hope has emerged on the horizon and we would step back from the precipice, sometimes just for an hour before the next wave came. But we've gingerly been inching back from the edge for about two weeks now so maybe it's time to write some of this down.

There is no need to tell you every detail and change, there have been some hairy times as you can imagine....like when we had $25 in our bank account on Saturday and our mortgage payment was due on Monday. There's been significant changes in attitude, not so much for me, I can have fifteen different life goals in a day, but Ian who is a careful and methodical thinker commented when he was finishing siding on the barn that he was "getting the place ready to sell" -  believe me, that's a big deal for him to say something like that. But in brief it's been a long interaction with banks and insurance companies, building departments and engineers. And now, largely thanks to Ian's tenacity and patience, we are in a much stronger, and more positive position.

The practical side looks like this; we have negotiated a much better settlement with our insurers. As well as Ian's efforts, Bethany and her team, the insurance representatives at local level have been in our corner the entire time. We are extremely grateful to them, without them I suspect we would have not been heard by the decision-makers. We can now afford to build a new house which was not the case before. And thanks to Ian McClean, our brilliant architect, we have an exciting design. We've had the opportunity to practice with some of the materials we want to use in the house as we've refurbished the barn in to a funky new event venue and built the living space in the tree house.

But with something new comes new challenges, and of course we are not choosing the easy route with the house. We've spent the last four years talking to anyone who visits the farm about sustainability. We've talked the talk and now we have to step up to the plate and walk the walk. Even putting aside our own thoughts and feelings on what we want our house to be, how can we look you, the thousands of people who have toured our farm, in the eye and build a house that is anything other than THE MOST sustainable house? We can't. And we won't. So, after copious research we are trying to build a hempcrete house (please take two minutes to watch this short clip on hempcrete). Again, I'll try and surmise the challenges. Although hempcrete is widely used in Europe and Australia for both residential and commercial developments, it's not an approved material in Canada. There is a mass of data on the material but we need an envelope consultant to sign off on it. So far, two envelope consultants have sat on it for four weeks and then advised us that it's not an approved material in Canada.....very frustrating as that is the basis of us employing them! Anyway, we think we have found someone progressive who is willing, and dare I say excited, to work with us on this project. The hempcrete debacle has been really annoying. It's not like we are trying to build some wacky design with wattle and daub. This is a regular, modern looking home with a tried and tested material that happens to be a really good thing for the environment. It should be exciting for a professional and municipality to be showcasing, especially when the build happens on a very public farm, but I guess that requires stepping out of a box and maybe some independent thought - oh the horror!!!! Anyway, our battle is not over yet but we are starting to dust off our victory flag.

Some rather significant practical victories that have allowed us to take a minute and exhale. Now it's time to think about the emotional side. It's time to recognize that despite my conviction when I recite "I'm fine, we're all fine, everything is fine", it hasn't been fine at all. We are not fine. I don't know whether the fire is the root of my trauma or whether it was the episode that allowed me to stop and fall to my knees for a little while. I suspect it was the straw that broke the donkeys back and on reflection maybe I started last years farming season with burn out.

But it's ok not to be ok after what we've been through over the last 4 years. As we heal our farm and home, we have to take the time to heal ourselves too, and maybe the new build will be cathartic for us. Maybe it'll give us the strength and motivation to breath life back into the farm business next year. Maybe it won't and then we'll know it's time to go and do something else. But whatever happens, we thought we had lost control of that decision, but we've reclaimed our power and whatever happens from here on in is our own fate, the outcome of our own input as opposed to outside influences redirecting our life path. That we can deal with.

Ian and I have felt every EXPOSED!

Onwards and......backwards?

Last week, I sent a message to a few friends to prepare them for an announcement that we were pretty much going to wrap up the farm business this year. Not only have we faced continued challenges since the fire, the implications of which impact greatly on our farming season, but my foot injury has not healed as hoped and will not stand up to a full time farming season. We both need to secure a stable income to get through and subsidize the rebuild. And emotionally, neither myself or Ian are equipped to run headlong into a crazy year or markets, events and hard work. More and more I have found myself growing resentful of my role on the farm. I feel like a fraud when I call myself a farmer, I haven't really farmed for over a year as the business management had taken over my time and become on an ongoing source of stress and discontentment.

It was a hard message to send and had been a hard decision to make. A decision that was preceded by many arguments, deliberations and crying. Could it really be happening? Every time we've been pushed down (and there has been multiple times), we got back up with blatant disregard as to whether it made sense or not. But now, we'd called time on our endeavours.

The message I sent ended with a request not to contact me for a couple of days so I could avoid the embarrassment of breaking down in front of my friends. On reflection, those few days breathing space were a tonic. Why? Because it gave me the ability to reframe what was happening.

Can I really say we are giving up? We fully intend to continue with our pigs, our farming partnerships for beef and lamb and farm camps. It's veggies and events and all the other hair brained ideas I usually throw into our summer seasons that are being put on a back burner. So, maybe just a streamlined presence?

Out of loyalty to our supporters, we talked to a couple of local farmers about offering a service to our people. They were totally supportive and cool about doing that. Both Ashlee of True Grit Farm and David of Glorious Organics have CSA shares that can be offered to our customers, and both of those farms will be at White Rock Farmers Market, the market we will be leaving behind.

I keep checking in with Ian about how he feels about the decision. Ian is a man of few, not very expressive words so it's hard to gage his feelings. But me? I feel relief. I believe we are going into our first realistic season. A season where we can manage our farming activities and our life. I've entertained frivolous thoughts of summer weekend trips....a luxury that has been a fantasy the last few years. When people invite me to their events and dinners, I give it real consideration instead of my generic, farm-season, blanket 'No' response. I think I can reclaim my life and our family time a little. I've said it before but when we talk about sustainable farming, we have to include the farm being sustainable for the people running it too. Could this be the year we achieve that?

So much to dwell on, but in the meantime know this.....I feel freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

New life goes on with animals being born

Farming Relationships enhanced

The Summer of Evolution

In my last post, I lamented about the unsustainable lifestyle of a small farmer. In all fairness, I do this every year at the mid-season point. This year though is the first time we have the luxury of not only being able to do something about it but actually having the opportunity to reflect, talk and plan. Almost everything we have done so far has been reactive instead of proactive so this is certainly a change for us. Ian and I just had a three day road trip (for work purposes of course, not a vacation or anything crazy like that). We were effectively shut up in a small space together with the agreement that we would not finish the journey without a plan for next year.

We began the discussion from a common ground, that we were not going to operate next year as we have been doing. However, I soon realized that didn't really mean the same thing to Ian as it did to me. Ian still had the same vision of farming but somehow being more efficient, whereas I was envisioning a smaller scale farming operation and a more streamlined business model.

Our differences were the only thing to be established on the first leg of our journey. Fortunately for us, the first leg of the journey was a mere hours drive to Kw'o:kw'e:hala Eco Retreat in Hope, a place so shrouded in tranquility, it was impossible to continue our disagreement and all thoughts of pushing Ian out of the moving truck subsided.

We left there with a desire to recreate this blissful oasis. We were certain that we could do it. We could continue to run a working farm that fed the guests of the eco-retreat that we would establish. After all, Ian is building tiny homes on site at the moment so there's the solution to guest accommodation. As the plans evolved, they got ever more elaborate & more expensive to implement. Regardless, we blindly talked about funding, building, barn conversions and outdoor showers all the way to Golden, BC.

Day three of the road trip, on our way back to the farm with the 12 piglets we had gone to collect, and focus returned. I had another "what the hell are we thinking" moment. Why are we even talking about finding funding, new building projects, etc.? That's not making things easier, it's just another way to work ourselves to death and accrue debt! The process of stripping it back had to start again, holding on to the objective that we wanted to do less...employ less people, work less hours, less input, less change, all while holding onto the things we enjoy. We loved the idea of the eco-retreat but in reality, that's not achievable for next year. It can remain the long term vision, but we need to take smaller steps to get there.

And so our plan for 2017 was finally agreed. We are going to scale back the vegetable farming - that's the thing that requires the most amount of output for the least amount of return. We will continue to grow but on a scale that we can manage for the number of people doing the work and only to supply our primary focus which will be events. We will continue with the animal agriculture as our meat sales are good. Generally our meat sales subsidize the vegetable farming and we use the animals to help us maintain well fertilized land for the veggie production. But we will decrease the CSA program and we won't go to farmers markets or run the Saturday market at the farm next year.

Long table dinner

Under the new rules from the Agricultural Land Commission, we are permitted to hold events on the farm, with certain restrictions. We intend to take full advantage of that and will schedule regular agri-tourism and learning events including long table dinners and workshops. We are set-up for events, there's not really much work to do to make them a regular feature and showcase local talent and businesses on the farm. We will organize educational programs for children and adults around food and farming. And why not, we're good at that element, we enjoy it and the farm is the perfect venue. We also have the perfect opportunity to cement this new idea when we host Feast of Fields in a couple of weeks.

School tours and kids camps

Fermented Foods Workshop and dinner

Ian and I have finally found a common ground. He certainly feels some grief for the elements we are loosing and continues to harbour unrealistic expectations of what we can do, but Ian is an over-achiever, that's his personality and the thing that pushes us to be successful. We both recognize that we are giving too much and sacrificing our personal and family time. We have a shared confidence that we can make it work with an organized plan for events. Farming here has to sustain us at the level we want to work or not at all. And I am happy with the decision. I believe we can make it work and we will enjoy it more. There are many people farming but not many people promoting agriculture and local food in the way in which we will embrace it. It will give us a platform to advocate for the things we believe in. And heck, we might have a bit of fun (and even the occasional day off) along the way!

The bar!

After dinner warmth in the gazebo

Ian the soux chef...apparently

Laura and I co-hosting a fundraiser with our neighbours

Chef Sean Bone preparing a Cinco De Mayo dinner

A Laurica farm advocacy group downtown

As night falls, the fun factor goes up

Bands in the barn

No One Needs to Know

The word 'Adventure' has been overused, in my opinion. Adventure begins when everything goes wrong. Our fight for survival on this farm continues; physically, emotionally and financially, but out of this fight, great things emerge. I had become so entrenched with the battle that I overlooked to triumphs.

A couple of weeks ago I saw my friend, Lisa. Lisa and I worked together in Old Navy and that's where I saw her. Immediately after the usual greetings people share, she said "I follow the farm on Facebook, you have such a great life". She went on to talk cheerfully about the animals at the farm and all the events that have been happening. Lisa was smiling while she said this, while it was all I could do to hold back the tears.  I couldn't believe or process what Lisa was saying while we were drowning.  Just a few days earlier, Ian and I had sat under the trees in the sheep field, both of us sobbing, seriously (at that moment) saying we were selling up. We had just buried our fourth sheep of the summer and we had already lost too many animals during the summer. The well had dried up again, now tallying a bill of $60,000 in less than 12 months, and we are still without a full resolution to the myriad of problems the well has presented. Staffing has been a nightmare for the last part of the summer. My car was written off. My oven died. We've had damage from a storm and a power outage for a week. We've been without water for one reason or another for a big chunk of the summer growing season, to name just a few of the challenges. I've been covered in animal blood, snot and feces way too much and I had to learn how to insert a tube into a sheep stomach from a YouTube tutorial while 'in the field'. And yet, I was being presented with the fact that, to the outside world, it looked great, enviable even. There have been many, many times this summer when my old life as a normal person felt very appealing.

Driving home after seeing Lisa, a song came on the radio. The artist sings "No one needs to know, no one needs to know right now. Take a deep breath in and don't let them break you down". Something resonated with me. I knew I could not make decisions about the farm in the middle of the farming season, while everything appeared so crappy. I had to suck it up, ride it out to the end of the season and then take the time to reflect.

So here we are, at the end of the season, and it's time to reflect and decide. It's easy to remember what went wrong, but what went well? I'll tell you what went amazingly. Last year was our first growing season and we started the delivery route to take fresh produce from the farm direct to our customers. This year we  built on that and added a CSA scheme, farmers markets, restaurant supply, and farm gate sales. This time last year, we had four pigs on the farm. Right now there are 22 pigs and 22 more coming in the next month (although 7 will be 'leaving'). We have our own breeding program for heritage hogs that supports breed conservation. Those pigs are used to support the farms activities and our environmental stance. The pigs get no commercially made grain, ever. We divert around 5 tonnes of organic food waste away from landfill every single week! And then we either reuse, re-purpose or recycle the packaging that goes with it.  The pigs turn the food waste into fertilizer and bacon! They till our fields while they are at it which reduces the amount of heavy machinery use on the farm, builds the soils and means we don't have to bring in compost. We watched Cowspiracy recently which does not look favorably on any type of animal agriculture, even 'sustainable' models. We agreed with most of the content of the documentary but felt that it wasn't representative of what happens here at Laurica Farm. We could answer the concerns about water and land usage. And that is something to be proud of. We have found a different way, our own way.

The pigs rolling in organic melons as part of our food waste program

There are now 103 laying hens, we've done our first batch of meat chickens and we have a permanent flock of sheep on route to the farm, primarily pregnant ewes. All of this is managed on just 5 acres through a process of pasture management and permaculture design.

We have also launched events at the farm. Two awesome events have led to numerous inquiries about weddings and other events for next year.

Farm Jam

There are more buildings on the farm this year. The poly tunnel has doubled in size, it has a concrete floor with a sustainable heating system underway. There is another salad tunnel for summer growing. Last year, we grew in two fields, this year we filled three fields. There's a new chicken coop, another pig pen, new fencing, 35 more fruit trees, trellis along fences for growing, a new outdoor washroom and another bathroom almost complete that is totally off-grid.  And on top of all that happening on the farm, we have been nominated for a 2015 Business Excellence Award in the Environmental Leadership category.

Two years! That's what it's taken to turn an empty piece of land into a fully functioning, sustainable farm. It's nearly broken us emotionally, physically and financially, and it still might. But it hasn't broken us yet. I'm not sure if I should say despite the challenges we've made it work or in spite of the challenges, but you can bet you're bottom dollar I'm not giving up now. If I leave this farm, I'll be doing it bankrupt or dead, because sensible not, the decision has been made. We're all in! Let the adventure continue.

Heirloom tomatoes

Piglets born here at the farm

Our ducks, Simon and Garfunkel, catching insects in the fruit cage

Some of our market produce

Night time events at the farm

Lamper, the kale thief

Culture-shock!

As 2013 draws to a close and 2014 beckons, it seems appropriate to take some time to reflect, evaluate and plan.  Obviously 2013 has been an epic year of change for the Finley family and I’d like to think (perhaps rather arrogantly) that our experience has touched the people around us too.  If you have read our blog, dined in our barn, painted posts, shoveled concrete, drank in the Tiki hut or enjoyed farm fresh eggs for your breakfast, then you are part of Laurica Farm and you continue to motivate us to keep going.  Thank you for your ongoing and unwavering support and inspiration.

The farm has come a long way since July 24^th 2013 when we moved in.  What was 5 acres of serene land with chest high grass, a ramshackle barn and a small house has been successfully transformed into…wait, I’ve just looked out the window…into a muddy construction site with open trenches and half-finished projects!  So it’s not as serene and picturesque as it was six months ago but the fact that I now call it a farm is remarkable.  It wasn’t anything when we moved in and now it is a working farm with exciting new projects evolving before my eyes.  Even since my last post, things have changed.  A quick re-cap on this year’s projects:

• The Tiki Hut: the world’s most over-zealous fire pit.  What started as a vision of a ring of stones and some benches now looks like a gazebo on steroids.  What a fabulous asset to the farm and heart of the social scene here.  Thanks to the reclaim/reuse nature of this build and some charitable donations of roofing materials, the total cost was around $400.

• The Barn: The interior of the original barn has been stripped, insulated and walled.  No longer are there cattle feeders but a large open space with open, beamed ceilings and a wood burning stove waiting to be installed.  Venue of dinners and parties during the colder months.  The barn has an extension in the form of Ian’s workshop and feed store.  I love that we were able to painstakingly reuse some of the bevel siding from the original barn to make the extension fit seamlessly.

• Chickingham Palace and the Fruit cage: As you know the original coop did not meet the needs of our growing flock.  What was designed for 6 chucks quickly grew into a home for 41 chickens.  Over half of our birds are laying now giving us around 20 eggs a day in a beautiful array of colours and sizes.  The palace connects to the fruit cage allowing the birds to roam free in a 20,000ft netted area, protecting them from predators.  In return for their protection, the chickens are doing a fantastic job of fertilizing, turning over the soil and making compost ready for planting in the spring.  Although a few weaknesses were exposed with the recent snowfall, there is nothing a bit of remedial work can’t solve and we are pleased with the outcome.  We even have other homesteaders coming to view the concept!

  

  Chickens at work

  

• The Orchard: The area that is now referred to as the orchard has had all the existing trees ‘pruned’ Ian Finley style (no secateurs involved, just a chain saw!) and there are our first four apple trees planted and doing well.  Trees have been cut down around the area to allow more sunlight and what timber couldn’t be reused in our building projects has been chipped and turned into mulch for the new trees.  It also houses 2 tire swings for the kids.  Plans include a yurt for visitors and some sheep roaming through the orchard.

• The Duck Pond:  It’s finished and Jessica has already fallen into it – twice!  Another ‘bigger than expected’ project, made possible by the loan of an excavator in exchange for storage.  We will build a duck house and then find some new residents for it.  I will enjoy sitting in the hammock chair up there watching the baby ducklings.

  

  Note the boots stuck in the mud!

• The Tree House:  This is the thing that Ian boasted about.  Claiming he would have the base finished within a week of moving in.  Needless to say, other things took priority.  However the foundation posts are concreted in and we have some AMAZING reclaimed windows to go into it.

• Poly-tunnels: While we had the use of the excavator, Ian cleared a big plot of land and levelled it.  He has stated building raised beds in there and we will use our own compost as a base in these.  There is some talk of including an Aquaponics system here as well…we will see. (http://www.backyardaquaponics.com/guide-to-aquaponics/what-is-aquaponics/)

• The Pig/Goat house: The base is complete in the front paddock.  This project was put on-hold while we had the excavator so we could make the best use of the equipment we had on loan.

• The Asparagus Bed: A raised bed in front of Ian’s workshop that will get maximum exposure to sunlight and can be covered during the winter months.  Filled with our own homemade compost.

• The Trenches:  Not really a project as much but in taking advantage of the excavator.  We dug huge trenches across the land to sink additional power cables.  This property has a lot of power coming onto it but needs to be fed around to all the new buildings.  We’ve spent the last 2 days in the trenches, threading cables, gluing conduit, etc.

Phew!  Even typing all that has made me tired.  Of course, ‘the projects’ are just part of the story.  There’s always work going on behind the scenes.  But the biggest growth has been in us, the people.  Rarely can you measure human development in a tangible manner but I invite you to just come and see us here.  You will find a once reluctant teenager who has embraced the change, she’s the one driving the tractor.  You’ll laugh at a little girl who was always meant for the outdoors and has been released into her natural environment.  You will find a hardworking man who lights up when he returns to the homestead and gives everything to make it work. And somewhere in the chaos, you’ll find me, probably talking to my chickens, maybe blogging about the whole thing, occasionally applying my new carpentry skills but always making it fun.

As 2014 approaches, it’s time for some real farming.  Up until now, most of the work has been building and prep, but now we must plant, grow and keep animals.  We have not taken this looming challenge lightly and we have learned and researched as much as we can.  The biggest and cruelest thing I have learned, having just embraced a life of farming, is that agriculture is not sustainable.  That’s right, the very thing we came here to do conflicts with our core values.  Bummer, eh?!  But it’s ok, we’re learning about new approaches and ideas; we’re even playing with some of our own theories.  Permaculture is our way forward.  It combines three key aspects that are important to us:

1. an ethical framework

2. understandings of how nature works, and

3. a design approach

The word 'permaculture' comes from 'permanent agriculture' and 'permanent culture' - it is about living lightly on the planet, and making sure that we can sustain human activities for many generations to come, in harmony with nature. Permanence is not about everything staying the same. It’s about stability, about deepening soils and cleaner water, thriving communities in self-reliant regions, bio diverse agriculture and social justice, peace and abundance.  One thing is for sure, it’s a fascinating subject with many aspects, and it’s still evolving.  We have the advantage to working from a blank canvas and we’re looking forward to applying an ecologically sound and ethical concept to our future and our children’s. (http://www.permaculture.org.uk/)

As we learn more about farming, we learn more about ourselves, which changes our ideas, thoughts and feelings.  It’s clear to me now that we are part of a cycle of growth and learning.  We rely on our growing knowledge base to get the best from the farm and in return give ourselves the best.  How exciting to start a new year with this opportunity and responsibility.