An open letter to Mother Nature

Forgive me, Mother Nature, for I have sinned. I have had traitorous thoughts about abandoning my eco-hippy lifestyle and reverting back to the dark days of luxury and convenience. I'm sorry, Mother Nature, I know it's wrong but Irony and Fate have had a part to play in my flirtatious feelings towards modern life. I know you are pushing back against the human race and the way it has taken advantage of your genourous disposition for so long and so recklessly, but do you, Irony and Fate need to push me so hard? Because I've been saying sorry for a long time. We've personally sacrificed to heal some of your scars and give something back. We've even pissed off most of our friends by advocating so vehemently for you. So why us, again? Is there any chance you could ask Irony and Fate to just back off for a year or so? Please? Pretty pretty please with an organically grown from non GMO seed, heirloom cherry on top?

You see, we have no water on the farm again and you need to understand what that has done to me. Remember Wellgate of 2014? The thing I said I'd never speak of again on this blog? The incident that cost us around $50,000? Well, the brand new Rolls Royce of wells has no water. Responsibility for the lack of water partially lies with you, Mother Nature. You sent no snow over the winter and no snow melt means the resovoires are not replenished. And don't make me bring up the lack of rain for the last 10 weeks. I'm pretty sure you're in cahoots with Fate over this well business but in case you're not, here's a brief outline of what Fate has been up to. He hid an underground lake! Extreme, right? I mean, the well drilling company have never seen anything like this in 3 decades of business. It appears that when we drilled the new well last summer, we hit that hidden underground lake instead of a running water stream. After a year of irrigation and you withholding water, we've emptied it. Now we have to drill down again to try and find another source of water. But it's ok, it's not like we've blown every cent and borrowed unmentionable amounts to build a permaculture farm to protect you, Mother Nature, from destructive Big Ag......oh wait, that's exactly what we've done. And Fate has put a roadblock in front of every single thing we've done/purchased/built. He's really been a big part of my bank managers stern looks and raised eyebrows. There's literally nothing in our home or on the farm that Fate hasn't touched and that guy breaks everything! Also, today Fate invited his buddy Irony to the party. You sent rain, torrential rain, and Irony kindly sheltered us from it. It got with 1/4 mile of the farm, but Irony kept us nice and dry.

I rebelled today. Guess what kind of unforgivable sins I have committed today? I'll confess. I went to my friends house after she offered to let me shower and do some laundry. I put two washing machines on at the same time! I selected 'hot wash', negating my responsibility to opt for the environmentally friendly cold wash. I didn't even care about using detergent instead of laundry seeds. In fact, it felt good and it smelt good.  I'm a laundry whore! And do you know what else? I put the washing in a tumble dryer to dry. That's right, no washing line. Ha! Rebellion! Then, while the two washing machines and tumble dryers were running, I took a shower. Not my usual navy shower, I left hot water running for the entire duration I was in there. Oh the frivolity! I then scrubbed myself clean with shower gel out of a plastic bottle, not the usual homemade bar of lavender soap. And do you know something? I LIKED IT! My frivolous ways did not end there. I drove around the corner to the shop after my shower. I could have walked within 2 minutes but what's a little extra pollution between friends? I was a little perturbed that the healthiest food I could buy for a snack was white bread and deli ham but whatever, I was living dangerously today anyway. Do you know what my kids said when I handed them the unknown pig parts from an anonymous pig between two slices of white, GMO bread? Yum! They said yum! They liked it. And my eye only twitched for a moment thinking about the pig I hadn't raised. Your barrage enabled me to step away from my values, it's so exhausting being self-righteous.

I'm only telling you this because I'm worried about you. Because Irony and Fate have been relentless in their assault of our resolve, we're asking some serious questions about the future of our dreams. Here's the thing. I'm not asking if we CAN make this work. It's crappy at the moment, but we'll somehow, maybe, probably find a way. The question we're asking is SHOULD we fight this battle? From a business perspective, yes, business is immense and exciting. From a personal perspective, I'm not sure. Even if we could figure out a way to finance drilling a deeper well without increasing monthly payments, we would still be accruing even more personal debt. And for what? For Ian to stay in a job he hates for another decade? For us to have no quality of life outside the farm into our 50's? To not be able to afford to help our kids if they decide post-secondary is important to them? To work so tirelessly that we get less time together as a family? That conflicts with all the reasons we did this. I knew it would be like that short term, but dealing with that as a long term reality is kinda tough.

So, Mother Nature, over to you. Can you get Fate and Irony in line? For us? We might be done here if you don't. And then what happens to this 5 acres of you, Mother Nature? A blueberry farm? I know everyone loves blueberries but that cash crop won't protect your soil. A developer? Do we need another 10 bedroom mansion with green lawns and a pony in the yard? 

Listen, this may sound arrogant, Mother Nature, but I know what we're doing here is a good thing. From a selfish perspective, I don't know how to live without the farm any more. I can't 'city'. What would I eat? Although I fell off the wagon today, I really wouldn't know what to do without our farm food. And the business. I just can't say goodbye yet. If I was an investor looking in from the outside, I'd want to be involved with Laurica Farm. It's an exciting time. How can I walk away? But then how can I not? Mother Nature, you've lead us on this path, tell us now what we should do.

Yours faithfully,

Desperate Farmer.